Tuesday, April 1, 2008

It's So Hard to Say Good Bye

Hey guys,

I have a dilemma. I have to let my old choir know that I won't be singing with them anymore. It's one of those situations where nobody wins. I feel that I need the teaching of our previous pastor more than I need to sing with the choir. I dearly love the members of the choir but I'm not growing spiritually anymore. So when our old pastor started a new church-I kind of dropped the choir like a bad habit. At first I'd go to my pastor's church and then go back to my old church and sneak in the back way to the choir stand and sing with my old choir. That left me feeling like an adulterous wife. Where do my loyalties lie? Do I go where I can power up spiritually or, do I honor my commitment to the choir. I finally realized that I need the word and the light my pastor shines on it. It has been so weird- I miss singing with the choir but love the insights and teaching I receive from my pastor. I've been told that pastors are only men-and that's true. but they've been charged with teaching the word of god just as he would have it taught. Once you have someone who is able to explain the word to you in such a way that you can grasp it and apply it to your life- you kind of want to stick with what works. What makes it really weird is that I have no idea how to go about this. I mean how do you break up your choir. How do you look into the face of people who have watched you grow up and tell them you've decided to in a word-take your toys and go home. Do I send them a Dear Church letter? Do I tell them it's not you it's me? I love the members of my old church but I don't know what direction they are going in. I just can't wait for a new pastor when my old pastor is readily available. I sat in the church parking lot for 20 minutes debating whether or not I should go in. I finally decided on coming back at the end of choir rehearsal. I have to grow some balls and tell them what's up. Maybe if I was more established in the word maybe my church's rift wouldn't have thrown me for a loop. But I guess I forgot that the church is a hospital for sinners. I've been so out of the loop lately. I'm finally getting my groove back with God-It's slow going but he is faithful. I'm so glad that he's not like me. He's patient and understands my quirks and loves me anyway. I know this is a long post but sometimes the emotions in your heart are so strong you have put it out there to help someone else. So if you are going through changes-job,church,family- don't give up! there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


1 comment:

allie said...

You can do it! What happened to you last night, I didn't see you.